The Three Hardest Words…

If the two most difficult words to utter in the English language are “I’m sorry,” I think the three hardest words to spit out are “I was wrong.”

It’s almost like we’re allergic to admitting we’ve changed our minds or made the wrong choice. On anything.

I don’t think it’s ever been easy to own the evolution of our understanding, but lately we’ve taken this character flaw to a whole new level. We have become an instant reaction society. A culture of hot takes. There is no room on these roads to back up. Only forward and faster.

I’m not sure what makes those three words so bitter on the tongue.

Perhaps we’re afraid that if we are vulnerable enough to walk back our opinions, everyone else around us will jump up and say “ah ha! I knew it!” As if they were waiting for us to crumble.

Maybe we’re scared of losing the tribe we’ve joined where your membership is contingent on your undying allegiance, and you don’t want to give us those relationships.

Or maybe it’s simply that admitting you're wrong hurts. It’s physically painful. I know I feel it. When someone questions something I write, I instantly start defending my idea before I even listen to the critique they’ve put forward. It’s almost automatic.

Proverbs 28:13 says:

13 A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.

I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be successful than stubborn. And I could really use a few more chances at getting things right.

Adam Grant tells this remarkable story of an astrophysicist who had made a wild discovery. In fact, it was the biggest find of his life. It was so impactful he was invited to an international conference to present his findings. The only catch was, while he was in the air on the way to give the keynote address, he realized he was wrong. Not just a little wrong, but his whole premise was built on faulty math.

His paper was a lie.

When he arrived, he climbed the stairs leading onstage, sweaty and nervous, and admitted to the whole auditorium his fundamental mistake and where he went wrong along the way. He owned up to the fact that the single most important discovery he had ever made was in fact, a fake. The entire room erupted in applause. They gave him a standing ovation.

We need to normalize those three words. I was wrong. Our marriages and our friendships will instantly begin to change. Go ahead and try it. You just might find, like the brutally honest man on stage, that everyone else will respect you even more for it.

Because we’re all in process. We’re just not all willing to admit it.